Jackie Burkhardt's Diary
by anlyn
Summary: The private thoughts of Jackie Buellah Burkhardt: 1976 - 1978
1. The Smelly Basement

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
A/N: 1. You might want to ignore the dates. Trying to figure out the timeline of this show may make your head explode.  
  
The Cosmo Quiz Jackie takes isn't actually a Cosmo quiz. I found it at Women.com who found it from a book called Rate Your Relationship. If anyone knows where I can find Cosmo quizzes from the '70s would you mind emailing me (jtcjustacrush@hotmal.com)?  
  
Jackie Burkhardt's Diary  
  
By: anlyn  
  
"The Smelly Basement"  
  
1976  
  
Friday February 13  
  
Dear Diary:  
  
It's finally happening! Michael Kelso is about to ask me on a date!  
  
I heard it from Cindy who heard it from Janice who heard it from Mary who heard it from her cousin who overheard Michael talking to his friends about it. Eeee! He's coming over here. Time to act cool and detached.  
  
I'm going on a date with Michael Kelso!!!  
  
Love,  
  
The Future Mrs. Jackie Kelso.  
  
Saturday February 14.  
  
Dear Diary:  
  
Valentine's Day is an excellent day for a first date, don't you think?  
  
The date with Michael was . nice. We went to The Hub; at least everyone knows we're going out. I pretended to be very interested in what he was talking about, just like Cosmo said (Space Dogs, I'm not sure if he meant dogs from space or Earth dogs going to space). Michael walked me home and, of course, he tried to kiss me. I told him I don't kiss on the first date. He said we already had kissed. It doesn't count when you're nine and in Eric Foreman's smelly basement.  
  
Cosmo Quiz:  
  
When you spoke to arrange the date, who suggested the date's activities?  
  
My date had planned out the entire evening, and told me that all I had to do was arrive  
  
Like I would choose to go to The Hub.  
  
How would you best describe the overall mood on your date?  
  
Flirty  
  
I did my very best hair flip.  
  
How many times during the evening did one or both of you burst out laughing?  
  
I laughed politely once or twice  
  
Only I'm not sure if he meant to be funny. What outward signs did you give your date that you were interested?  
  
I nodded and smiled a lot  
  
Just the way men like.  
  
How would you describe the degree of sexual tension on your date?  
  
Steamy and intense  
  
We ARE the two prettiest people at school. Probably in all of Point Place.  
  
Which of the following is the closest to your date's final words?  
  
"I'll call you...sometime"  
  
That's exactly what he said, actually.  
  
Your date seemed to want to tell revealing personal stories. How did you react?  
  
Try to politely change the subject to lighter topics  
  
Well he did keep talking about these stray dogs he likes to play with. I don't think that's what they mean though.  
  
During dinner, you glanced at your date while he thought you were both looking at your menus and deciding what to order. Your date was:  
  
Smiling happily  
  
Staring at you intensely  
  
He was smiling happily WHILE staring at me intensely.  
  
How well do you feel that you held up your end of the conversation?  
  
Well, I replied to his questions and vice versa  
  
There wasn't really a lot of questions.  
  
Did your date seem comfortable making eye contact with you throughout the evening?  
  
Absolutely. Our eyes were locked most of the night  
  
Well, duh. I mean, look at us.  
  
Answer:  
  
Coming Back for More!  
  
Better warm up your sultry phone voice and get ready for your next date... it seems like a pretty sure thing that a date this great will bear repeating. Considering how well the two of you connected, it sounds as if your date will definitely call you back. Your date might not have been a perfect love connection, but it sounds like the two of you enjoyed each other's company and found plenty of common ground. If your date is interested in taking a chance, it seems likely that he'll call again. But remember, you never really know what someone is thinking so give it a few days and if you don't get a call, move on.  
  
Yes!  
  
Sunday February 15  
  
Michael hasn't called me.  
  
Monday February 16  
  
He still hasn't called.  
  
Tuesday February 17  
  
Maybe I should of let him kiss me.  
  
Wednesday February 18  
  
Still no phone call. Maybe I should call him? No. What am I thinking? That's a stupid idea.  
  
Thursday February 19  
  
I don't care. I can do a lot better than Michael Kelso!  
  
Friday February 20  
  
He called!!! We're going to The Hub! Again.  
  
Saturday February 28  
  
Dear Diary:  
  
Michael is an idiot.  
  
I told him he had better take me somewhere besides The Hub and where does that moron take me? Eric Foreman's smelly basement. And the smell's gotten worse! I swear it smells just like the maid's room. And Michael's friends are.  
  
Well, I don't think Eric's reached puberty yet. He's all skinny and girlish. More girlish really than Donna, who I guess is Eric's girlfriend or something. She was this giant dressed in plaid. Plaid!! She looked like a lumberjack. When I very gently pointed this out to her ("Why are you dressed as a lumberjack? Are you going to a costume party?") she looked like she was going to attack me. She probably would too. The big goon.  
  
There was a weird foreign kid eating stuff off the floor. Being weird and foreign, I did my best to ignore him.  
  
But the worst was Steven Hyde. Hyde (what kind of stupid name is that?).  
  
Hy .ugh. I can't. Steven said, "Aren't you a cheerleader?" But not in a way that indicated he was impressed by my popularity, or my God-given cheerleading ability, more like he thought it was something to be ashamed of (he's the one with pork chop sideburns!). Then he said Eric shouldn't let rich cheerleaders into his basement as I met infect it with "school spirit or an overwhelming desire to spell out words with our arms". I pointed out that Eric obviously lets foreigners and poor people stay, so why shouldn't he let me stay too? Steven then said something very rude about my shirt (the one with the rainbow and unicorn on it) while he sat there in an ugly old Led Zapplan T-shirt.  
  
That's about the time I told Michael to take me home. It seemed really important to him that I like his friends, and for some strange reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. So instead, I let him kiss me.  
  
Clearly, I must remove Michael from the bad influence of his friends as soon as possible. I don't plan to spend any more time in that basement. 


	2. Getting To Know Them

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews.

Disclaimer: The following opinions expressed are solely those of Jackie Burkhardt, whom I do not own. I also don't own her boyfriend or any of her boyfriend's friends.

****

Jackie Burkhardt's Diary

"Getting to Know Them"

Friday March 5

Dear Diary:

Michael has finally taken me somewhere nice (a restaurant with tablecloths!). I brought my checkbook just in case he wasn't able to pay. Michael's one of like a million kids and his parents don't have much money (but in a certain light he looks just like Shaun Cassidy so he makes up for it). I was worried for nothing. At the end of the night, Michael told me to wait in the car while he took care of the bill. I should buy him something nice to thank him.

Saturday March 6

Dear Diary:

We just wasted another Saturday in Eric's basement. Most of the day was devoted to either a belching contest or making disgusting noises with various body parts.

Steven hasn't approved any in manners ("Don't you have an emergency pep-rally you could be at?"). Most normal people would be happy someone as popular and attractive as myself was spending time with them. I certainly pretty the place up.

Eric and Donna, who it turns out aren't a couple, spent the afternoon pretending not to like each other, although it's so obvious that they do. Every once and a while, for no apparent reason, Donna would hit Eric. She is such a goon.

The foreign kid, who I was trying to ignore, told me I "have a very nice ass". I know I have a nice ass. I don't need foreigners pointing it out!

Sunday March 7

Dear Diary:

Michael wanted to go back to Eric's today. When I tried to talk him out of it, he didn't seem to get the hint, so I had to blurt it out" Michael, I don't like your friends". He wanted to know why, so I explained. "Rude", "poor", "unpopular" "dresses like a trucker" and "foreign" were just some of the adjectives I used. Michael thinks I'd like them if I just go to know them. I don't want to know them. I don't see what the big deal is; they obviously don't like me either.

Wednesday March 10

I hate Steven Hyde. I really, really, hate him. Today I was sitting at the Hub with some friends when Steven came in. He didn't see me. Timmy asked him about me and Michael and Steven said he didn't know what Michael saw in me. Timmy, to his credit, said that I was "totally hot". To which Steven replied, "Maybe if you're hard up." He said I was a loud, mean, bossy midget and he hopes Michael breaks up with me soon so "things could get back to normal".

I hate him.

Thursday March 18

Dear Diary:

Today I asked Michael about the foreign kid. His name is Fez and he's an exchange student. I wonder what we exchanged for him. I hope it wasn't anything good.

Saturday March 20

Dear Diary:

Just got back from the Todd Rundgreen concert. It was an interesting night. At first, Michael wasn't going to take me 'cause of how I don't like his friends (which he shouldn't have told them, it was a _private_ conversation). But he changed his mind. Eric drove us in a crappy car his dad just gave him. Of course, it broke down. It needed a new battery and none of us had any money. I offered to call my dad, but they all seemed to think it would get back to Eric's dad. Like, if my parents went to a party at Eric's parents the subject was bound to come up. I don't really think my parents would go to the Foreman's party, but whatever.

Anyway, while I was in the bathroom, they paid for the battery using my ticket. Michael agreed to give up his ticket too. Isn't that sweet? While everyone else was at the concert, Michael and I were making out in the backseat, but something seemed off. Michael seemed distracted. Then it hit me. He'd rather be inside with his friends than outside with me. Michael wasn't having any fun. I offered to break up with him, but he said he _was_ having fun. He doesn't need friends, concerts, music. He only needs me.

I think I'm in love.

Tuesday March 23

Dear Diary:

We were, once again, hanging out at Eric's. At least this time we were in the driveway instead of the basement. The guys were playing basketball and generally behaving like idiots so I decided to try to have a conversation with Donna. I asked what she was going to get Eric for his birthday since presents are crucial in the beginning stages of any relationship. She said she wanted to get him something special and she blushed slightly when she said it. It was a telltale sign. She'd been kissed. The gift became even more important. I came up with the brilliant idea of a scented candle, both practical and romantic. Only now that I think about it a scent candle seems too small. It needs to be something larger … like … a sand candle! I'm a genius. I have to call Donna.

Sunday March 28

Dear Diary:

My gift was perfect! And it's a good thing I was there to keep Donna from ruining the whole thing. She wanted to give Eric the candle in front of his guy friends! That girl needs someone to teach her how to behave around guys. Or just how to behave like a girl. I guess I'm here to show her the way. It's like fate!

First of all, we're going to have to start with her wardrobe. 


End file.
